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Months go quickly, very quickly… And I don’t even feel how quickly I’m changing, too. At the same time, I feel that the end of my stay in France was either so long or just a few days ago. Soon I’m going to a new adventure – 4 countries of which there is 2 that I’ve never been to and another one I have only visited for a mere day.

Adventures… Yes. So many of them. I’m constantly being out of my comfort zone. You know, your comfort zone is the area where you feel the most relaxed, most “at home”, you are the most passive and so on. Some years ago I’ve heard from a girl that your personal development really happens when you get outside of your comfort zone. But now, I could say that I’ve been out of my comfort zone for months, if not years… I really should slow down a little bit. Well, I’m only saying this in relation to the future… For now, I have arranged the most crucial things for my shortest plans, but unti I got here, I had some tiring periods.

Let’s hope though that I can get over the difficulties and continue to be open for new adventures.


These days I spend a lot of time sitting on suburban trains and while the train is dashing along the tracks sometimes I get flashes of memories – from my childhood and teenage years – in my mind. They are complete memories, I see pictures, feel scents and sometimes flavours, I can feel “effects” – the sunlight or the wind around me, I hear voices from the past years, each belonging to a family member or friend, or even to me.

I remember myself, the troublesome sleeper, building up Budapest every day with Ádám, from kindergarten, when all the kids, except us, were sleeping after lunch. I can smell blackcurrant tea and yellow roses and I know the joy I felt when I saw that those red trumpet-like flowers, climbing up the fence, started to bloom. I see myself trying to get little pebbles out of my sandals and in the winter playing with one of my classmates in the early winter evenings in the primary school garden, glazing at the round shaped lamps that spread their supernatural glows over the empty street, while our parents were meeting the teachers inside.

I recall the flavour of those fruit-based ice creams and vanilla cream waffles I used to eat on the Balatonföldvár lakeside and the mysterious 20th August nights when we were walking to the harbour to watch the usual fireworks, looking at the people and the stuff the bought: flashing horns, wands and pins to show off their jolly spirit, maybe as a contrary to the dark indigo coloured water that was calm, as always. As a little girl I know how proud I was when I could leave the house alone for a walk, those times I always went to sit on a bench near a small grassy area, to watch people passing by, and also I went to shop for some yoghurt to a nearby small shop (that has closed since then). I still feel the smell of new pine furniture and that of the OBI in Siófok that, me having turned older, we visited often after building up the new weekend house. “Natural” smells just as that of the paints and wet soil in the gardening section mixed with the joy I felt to see the house turn prettier.

Whoosh. Then my soul feels again the ample and warm feeling that I felt after summer holidays began. The first days I always started in a dizzy kind of euphoria like a lunatic who isn’t even aware of herself. I rambled around the streets of hotness-struck Budapest, sitting on the metro, going to IKEA… a lot of familiar impressions, colours, smells and sounds yet it is so hard for my mind to recall them exactly.

But maybe the silent irreality of autumn can make me remember more… The first autumn when we were in Balatonföldvár, in the new house. We had no electric heaters back then, so we used those with gas and oil. I went to collect branches for our Advent wreaths (or maybe that was in another autumn?) to welcome winter and the birth of baby Jesus for whom, many years before, me and other children sang “Gloria, in excelsis Deo!” so often and so purely in our church.

And not to forget about recent years – high school days passed and I graduated. The graduation ceremony passed, with lots of flowers, singing “Gaudeamus igitur” and “Bravo, bravissimo”, just to be followed by Maths, Hungarian language and literature and History exams (I had already done the English and the facultative one – I chose Geography – in 2005,  one year before)

I could of course continue this to eternity – with listing those music pieces that bring the most memories out of me, writing about my childhood travels and then about my wonderful visits to Germany (Cologne) and Poland… but that’s not necessary. Most of them are feelings anyway and as they are feelings, they cannot be transformed to characters nor a post very easily. But maybe, maybe… if you are doing such things – seeing flashing pictures in front of your “inner eye” – think of me if you remember this post. 🙂



“My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there” and “I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list”


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April 2018
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